I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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