"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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