ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Still dying that you shit outside
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
