Only a mothe r could love this liver
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
My feet surprised me
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
