So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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