These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I got inside last night via doggy door
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize