i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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