I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
