Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm gonna fight the coyote
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
