dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
