I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize