so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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