Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
