someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
