We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
