I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
We named our party play list daddy issues
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
