so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
two words: eviction party
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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