Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
