i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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