Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
