She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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