I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
