I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
