put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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