Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
