I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
We're using joints as your birthday candles
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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