i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I could have mohawked her pubes.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
honey bunches of taint.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
