Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize