ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
