I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
