I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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