i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Randomize
