I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
This baby is an asshole
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
