Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
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