I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
