i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
