i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Randomize
