so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
