His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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