Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
