Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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