you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just high enough for therapy.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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