his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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