it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
