hotel room ftw
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
