i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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