been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
