the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
