Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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