I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
