he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
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