Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
