Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
