I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
