i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
whose parrot is this?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
