Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
