She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
