meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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