He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
