Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
