I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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