3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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