The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
pop tarts are not kleenex
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
