im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
this hospital has no fireball
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
