Is it because I queefed?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize