i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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