I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
