I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
