Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
now i know why i became what i already was.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
