FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
