So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
