I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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