No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
