i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
