I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
