Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
