You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
