omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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