Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
