so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
