she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
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