After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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