I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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