It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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