help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
