Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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