I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
